As the high and excitement of achieving the improbable wears off, I am left feeling-dare I say it- bored? Over the past four years my life has been manageable only through an impressive routine of time management. Nearly every hour was accounted for: working full time for an international health non-profit, attending science classes at night, studying, MCAT prep, work trips to Africa, clinical exposure at the local underserved hospital. I had a task to fill every moment, warding off boredom and bringing on an inner happiness and fulfillment.
As my schedule now goes from one extreme to the other, I am plagued by ennui. Is it possible to go through study withdrawal? Am I actually craving exams and review problems? Like Pavlov’s dogs, I have become conditioned to learning. Salivating at the mere thought of reading assignments. Most people reading this probably think I am crazy-who dreads free time? Go watch Bravo. There are three seasons of Downton Abbey to catch up on. Read a trashy magazine. All very valid options- yet none of which seem to appease me.
With 4.5 months to go until orientation, I have resorted to embarrassing tactics of re-reading my physiology textbook, watching free biochem lectures on iTunes, listening to emergency medicine residency lectures posted online. I am a sad, sad little nerd.
Most likely, I will look back on this time- my last moments of freedom- and want to kick myself that I didn’t enjoy doing not-much-of anything more. Perhaps I will. Or perhaps something in my brain has been permanently altered. My strange state is not unheard of. I recently came across this article, which may shed some light on my new found propensity for learning.
Altered or not. I cannot wait for medical school to start and the endless hours of new knowledge to follow. Only 143 days to go.